God, help me!

Photo by Rakicevic Nenad on Pexels.com

I admire people who seem so eloquent with their words when I read their blogs. They seem to just know what to say. Since this is the first blog I’ve ever written, I will start by saying that I have a lot on my mind today.

I have been struggling a ton lately with alternating bouts of crushing depression where I sleep excessively and just can’t manage to wash my face for 3 days straight despite my best intentions of repeatedly telling myself (and anyone who will listen, really) that ’tomorrow is the day that I am going to get on a new sleep/wake schedule’. Hasn’t happened yet.

Truth be told, I just don’t feel like there’s much to get up FOR. I have been on disability leave for close to 3 years. I used to be a productive, working-for-a-living type of girl. Now, I don’t know what day of the week it is most days, and with no commitments of any kind besides a dentist appointment or picking up an online grocery order from Walmart, well, you get the point…

I have, however, found a few A.A. groups in the new city I moved to last fall. I have been sober for 5 years, 7 months and 14 days, one day at a time, so I figured if I wanted to keep the one good thing that’s kept me from going completely off the rails (much more on that later, promise!), I should find a reason to get my butt out of bed and my condo at least a few times a week.

Isolation is my go-to. Today, I’m going to try to remember that my depression likes to lie to me. It tells me I should sleep all day, ignore self care, exist on coffee and Maltesers and Wine Gums and binge-watch ’The Ultimatum’ (yes, all 8 episodes in a row)…

As my beautiful momma in heaven would say, Carry On and Talk Soon,

Denyce

2 responses to “God, help me!”

  1. You wrote this quite eloquently yourself! I’m so sorry you are struggling, but I’m glad you found some support in part of your recovery. Wishing you wholeness. 😊

    Like

    1. Thanks! It seems therapeutic for other people, so anything that works is good for me!

      Liked by 1 person

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